Alright! Now we're making progress!!!

SO I did have to end up sending in my psych clearance myself, because the Dr. had not put the files in as requested. I knew ther'ed be a speed bump somewhere along the way lol!

Now, everything is going in - probably tomorrow at some point - for approval. This could take a week or two and then we will get a scheduled date :)

I am really getting excited now!!!

Off for now!

*Skinny Dreams of Skinny Jeans*

~Elizabeth

Random blabber

Just sitting here thinking about what things will be like when I get home from the hospital after surgery. I won't be able to pick my son up out of his bed for a while, so I will be needing a little help with things like that, but I also am a little bit nervous.

This too shall pass...

I know it is pretty normal to get anxious or nervous before going through something big like this, so I am not that worried about it.

Anyhow, for an upbeat tone, I went up to David's Bridal yesterday with my Mother in Law and future Sister in Law. I am one of the bridesmaids in her wedding, which is an absolute HONOR! She has some super friends, and I think we are all gonna have a blast!
She is going to be so beautiful, and I know my Brother in Law is very lucky to have her! Couldn't have asked for someone more awesome!
I know this will be the last time for me to be "fat" in a wedding though, lol.

Well, signing off for now.

*Skinny Dreams of Skinny Jeans*

~Elizabeth

Video!!!

I recorded this a few days ago, but I am just now getting around to posting :)

Just Wandering...

Okay, I was just doing some thinking today.

I have NEVER been even CLOSE to thin, or a healthy weight. EVER! {okay when i was little maybe, but I have been overweight since I was around 9-10ish}

What will it feel like to be "not huge"? I have no idea! I have just been really trying to imaging myself as a healthier, happier, thinner person and I really cannot come up with a visual image.

To me, this is shocking. It's almost like I am diving into an unknown identity. I guess this is why there are many support groups and counselors, and that is why Dr. Walfish told me I would need to see one after surgery. I am guessing that this kind of thing is what starts happening before surgery, and after. Identity.

If you are thin, could you picture yourself being obese? I bet you can't. The same way I cannot really grasp the concept that I will be close to "normal".

Anyhow, just random thoughts for today.

*Skinny Dreams of Skinny Jeans*

~Elizabeth

Psychological Clearance and Nutrition

Happy Thursday Y'all!

I hope everyone has had a great week so far! I am so excited to be finished with alllllll of my pre-operative clearances! (Yay me!)

Now, on to the "real stuff"....

So yesterday was the nutritional clearance and psychological consult/clearance. I went in, sat down with my "test" materials and finished the 3 hour test in 2 hours. I had lunch and came back to meet with my nutritionist, but the Doc was already available to see me - so I saw him first.

Apparently, through my IQ test and personality profile, he found me to be stubborn lol! He also said that I have a high IQ, that if I were in college that I should make A's. This gives me some inspiration for when I enroll in school again lol!

Along with all of the talking, he pointed out that I will need to begin saving NOW for a "Plastic Surgery Fund." Sounds good to me! I know a body lift costs way more than a tummy tuck alone, but I may have to have one thing done at a time, seeing as how it would take about 15 years to save for the body lift. I could have the tummy tuck and breast augmentation for less than that probably! (Not too sure, because I have not really researched the aesthetic surgery part of my journey yet). Either way, all of this will be at least 3-4 years down the road, so I figure that now is as good a time as any to join the credit union! I will get the highest return on my money there, and since it is not linked to my personal checking account, I won't be tempted to "dip into" that account! :)

Anyhow, Just wanted to post a little about how the appointment went yesterday - but I am off to work now!

*Skinny Dreams of Skinny Jeans*

~Elizabeth

Flashback!

By the Way, I wanted to share another picture of myself with you guys from years passed.

Still overweight here, but really compared to the years of suffering obesity what I wouldn't give to be back there now.

My LAST Clearance Appointment before Surgery!

I am so excited that tomorrow will be my FINAL appointment before insurance approves my surgery!

(For those who may be interested, you will have to go through a series of "Clearances" and Preoperative requirements set forth by your insurance company. It really depends through whom you are insured, but mine is pretty good and didn't require very many.)

Now,

I just want to take a little time and post about some of the things that are running through my mind right now about all of this....

I know what will happen...I am going to lose anywhere between 70-80% of my excess weight within one year of surgery, so now I am having "skinny anxiety" a little bit. By that, I mean that I cannot bring myself to pick up any clothes in smaller sizes off the clearance racks. I know some of you may say not to do that anyway because I may jinx myself, or that I may not get as small as I think - but I mean I wasn't looking at size 2's...I was looking at like size 16's. I still cannot really comprehend ever being able to fit in those.

Why am I looking at clothes right now anyway right? Well, in my mind, what I can find on clearance sales for this time next year, I try to calculate about how much weight I will have (should have) lost by that time. I want to get things cheap while I can, so be "frugal" and not have to fork out as much money later. Face it, I will be having to buy clothes at least once a month for a year. So, in a way I guess what I am doing makes sense :)

I don't know.... I just keep daydreaming about how it'll feel to go and shop for clothes and not be completely disgusted. I haven't gone to shop and go into a dressing room in over a year because I figured there was no point. I buy mostly online, because it disgusts me to even stand in front of a mirror and look at myself in clothes.

So many people who are "average" take things like this for granted, but I assure all of you that I will be doing some serious damage once I am able to wear the things that I like. :) My husband may have to supervise me lol! I will promise one thing - I will never take shopping in the "regular sizes" for granted ever again. For me, that is one of the things I look forward to the most....of course, AFTER the fact that I will FINALLY be able to jump and play with my son, take a destination trip with my husband, go to Disney World with my family, and a lot of other things that most of you wouldn't really understand (unless you are obese).

Well, for now I am signing off!

*Skinny Dreams of Skinny Jeans*

~Elizabeth

Why am I doing this?

"Having surgery is just a cop-out..."

"Gastric Bypass is just because you are lazy..."

"This surgery won't change anything because you won't change..."

Above are some of the negative things I have heard in reaction to my decision to procede with Gastric Bypass.

These comments are from people who know nothing of the world of obesity, nor do they realize that this is not an answer. It is a tool to help me in making a lifestyle change.

To me, I always have been a person who really does want so much out of life. I always wanted to be able to do the simple things and enjoy the same things that "normal" people do. Swimming, hiking, skiing, flying on an airplane without having to book an extra seat because you are fat... just to name a few. I could go on....

First of all, just to get this out there - this is MY decision.

I am looking forward to being able to take my sweet, angel of a son to Disney World. To be able to get on the teacups with him and to be able to chase him around all over the place! Those are things that I cannot do because I am FAT! I am changing my life starting NOW! He deserves to have a mommy that can not only stand in the bleachers at tee ball, but one who could also be out there playing tee ball! Get the gist?

Also, just to share with some of you the road I have come down, below are some pictures of me from when I was in high school. I was 198 pounds. I have never been able to shop out of the Plus Size department for pretty much my entire life. I think I got fat somewhere around the age of 8. My parents were divorced, my dad was suicidal and unstable - all in all a bad father to say the least, and my mother did the best that she could to raise me on her own without HIS help. Rather it be giving me candy and treats because she thought she was making me feel better, or by just letting me have what I want because she loves me and not realizing the damage that this behavior could one day cause.

No, my mother did not ever do anything that would harm me on purpose. In her eyes, she was always just trying to make me feel like I was "complete". I guess you'd have to be in the situation I was to understand.

I never really knew that I was "fat" until i started noticing boys, and one boy told me he did not like me because I was "fat". The rest is history, and a long line of painful and difficult self image issues, which dug me an even deeper hole of misery.

I met a young man my freshman year in High School. We became friends. He wouldn't date me though. He liked the Barbie Doll types. I knew this. He went away for the summer after he graduated, and I moved into the sophomore year of high school when he returned. We began dating, but this only after I had dropped a few pounds. Through the course of our "on again - off again" relationship, he would make comments about me. He would cheat on me with girls half my size, and this took its toll on my self esteem.

It didn't take very long before I began skipping meals, and I would barely eat in front of him - since he was always around, that meant I would get about 1 meal a day.

This lasted for about a year, and I lost about 30 pounds. (which brought me to the 190's).

I met a young man through a mutual acquaintance not too long before the previous guy and I broke it off for good. This new guy always made me feel like I was worth something. I hid my problem from him, and he had no idea what was going on with me at this time.

In a way, even though it didn't last too long, I think the Lord put this young man in my life at just the right time. It helped me realize that I did not need to put myself through all of the pain I was enduring just to make someone else happy, because in the end I would only make myself miserable.

After college, I began working and reconnected with some old friends from school. Through them, I also reconnected with the man who is now my husband. We knew each other from school, and even though I had put on a significant amount of weight, HE loved me just the way I was. From the time we were married (in 2007) up until last year, I have been researching and considering bariatric surgery. I wanted to share that with those of you who may be contemplating surgery yourselves, because it is a very serious decision. It has taken me three years to decide that this is what I need to do.

Well, for now I am going to sign off...be back soon!

*skinny dreams of skinny jeans*

-Elizabeth